tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5928420391645461719.post1413047990076973066..comments2015-02-25T14:52:46.702-05:00Comments on Rebecca Barray: ForbiddenAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06110416365077058895noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5928420391645461719.post-37219127278553266292012-03-25T16:31:31.813-04:002012-03-25T16:31:31.813-04:00Thanks, Brandon!
Glad you could stop by and enjo...Thanks, Brandon! <br /><br />Glad you could stop by and enjoy! I don't think it sucks, otherwise, it'd be in a shoebox under the bed, or maybe ashes in the fire pit. :) But criticism is most helpful when someone tells you what they don't like about your work and, most importantly, why they don't like it and/or how it could be better. So I always like to know when something in my story doesn't work for someone and why. <br /><br />So thanks for the tip about description. That is actually my favorite part of writing and I tend to get completely carried away and bore readers to death with details of the scenery. I was consciously trying to avoid that this time, and maybe went too far in the other direction. Ooops. <br /><br />Thanks so much for taking time to stop by and comment. Keep up the great work over at StoryDam!!<br /><br />BeccaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06110416365077058895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5928420391645461719.post-30772856297322670132012-03-25T16:21:54.705-04:002012-03-25T16:21:54.705-04:00Thanks Morgan!! Glad you could stop by and enjoy! ...Thanks Morgan!! Glad you could stop by and enjoy! If I add the poem, then I'd have to write it and I don't know about writing poetry. Seems kinda intimidating.<br /><br />;-)<br />BeccaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06110416365077058895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5928420391645461719.post-90315504728949998662012-03-25T16:12:54.891-04:002012-03-25T16:12:54.891-04:00Definitely does not suck, for one. Have a little f...Definitely does not suck, for one. Have a little faith in your abilities as a writer, huh? :)<br /><br />Ok, overall this is a good story with LOTS of potential. I think you do a pretty good job of capturing the resistance mixed with curiosity in Esmerelda's character. You could strengthen it up in a longer piece (think Titanic... her character did this) but for a shorter prompt piece, this is adequate.<br /><br />LOVED this line: “This is really beautiful,” the words sprung from her lips without permission.<br /><br />Speaks volumes! <br /><br />The only thing I would recommend is strengthening up some of your description. This line: "He sat in a rainbow field of wildflowers," does tell us what we need to see, but is a little on the weak side. Even a simple rearrangement of words would do the trick.<br /><br />Overall, good job. I would like to see you link back up with us at Story Dam again!Brandon Duncanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06609719408183527672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5928420391645461719.post-79348965175234763052012-03-25T16:08:51.648-04:002012-03-25T16:08:51.648-04:00I have a soft spot for fairies and fantasy and bel...I have a soft spot for fairies and fantasy and believe that you have the beginnings of a good story. <br /><br />How you could improve this piece...<br /><br />I would have liked to see Esmeralda read his poetry out loud, having her say "This is really beautiful" doesn't portray the beauty as much as if she head read a short piece that could be felt. <br /><br />This story has a lot of potential and I look forward to reading more.<br /><br />Peace,<br />MorganMorgan Dragonwillowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147836851533669779noreply@blogger.com